Are you a control freak?

Do you believe you have to control every area of your life? You think only you know the best way to do something. You think you have to do it all, because god forbid someone does things a little differently than you would. You feel responsible when others are disappointed. You take it all on, and end up overwhelmed, exhausted and resentful.

In reality, you only have control over what you are thinking, feeling and doing. You, sweet soul, not anyone else.

• No, you cannot control your child having a tantrum. 

• You cannot control your husband's mood.

• You cannot control if every single client you interact with seems to be on a mission to make your life harder.

• You cannot control family members trying to guilt trip you into seeing them more often.

• You cannot control illnesses.

You can control how you will respond to all of these scenarios.  Notice how I said ‘respond’ and not ‘react’? When you are reacting to everything that is going on around you, you will feel out of control. When you are responding, you will feel in control.

What is the difference between responding and reacting? 

It’s often just a moment of pause. An exhale. A moment where you ask yourself ‘How can I show up as my highest, most powerful self in this situation?’

Maybe your highest self will remind you that your child’s tantrum has nothing to do with you. Rather it is her way of feeling her feeling of disappointment. Maybe you do not need to make your husband feel better, but rather let him stew in his misery if he wishes to do so. Maybe you can remind yourself that there is only one of you at work and you can ask for help rather than taking everyone’s problems on and making them your own. Maybe a boundary needs to be set with your family. Maybe accepting that you are not feeling well will speed up your recovery.

If you have lived your whole like reacting, responding will feel very unnatural at first. Just like anything else, it will take practice.

My clients are often surprised by the weight they feel lifted off their shoulders when they stop controlling life and take responsibility only for things they can control. Again, those are only YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings, YOUR actions.

Everything else, is either someone else’s business or god’s business. Doesn’t that feel like a much more enjoyable way to live?